Sometimes lovely surprises can be a bit much...
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
It's In My Head...
...But not on paper. In the past days I've kept a continuous blog in my mind, intending to find that moment of the day when both boys are asleep and I still have enough energy and drive to take a moment for myself. And then I don't find it, that time. It's been a pretty tough week, I have to admit. All of us have been feeling ill with viruses for the boys and a migraine for me. When my husband returns on Sunday we may have quite a mellow reunion... tiredness with us and tiredness with him too after a hectic continent-crossing work trip. On the bright side, you never know - maybe we'll all be so happy about feeling well again and being together again that the reunion will be exceptionally energetic ;) After all, all is well. Little bugs, tired eyes, aching baby-carrying arms, slow brains, travel-worn clothes. But, moreover joy in being safe, generally healthy, and again together!
This week's Ins & Outs:
OUT
fever
migraines
work trips for husband
hot season - too hot
staying up too late - like now
mangos - going out of season, fridge is stocked (I'm a late starter)
spaghetti bolognaise - loved the stuff I made last weekend but eating it 4 days in a row (two batches)...
hearing about great catchings-up - not being present to share in it
This week's Ins & Outs:
OUT
fever
migraines
work trips for husband
hot season - too hot
staying up too late - like now
mangos - going out of season, fridge is stocked (I'm a late starter)
spaghetti bolognaise - loved the stuff I made last weekend but eating it 4 days in a row (two batches)...
hearing about great catchings-up - not being present to share in it
IN
loving your neighbor - help with childcare, chocolate muffins, fried noodles, prayer over sick kids...
Celebrity Apprentice, season 4 - entertaining, even educational, silly enough for these days this week
souvenirs from Africa - stories, tea, and children's books from a fascinating continent!
surprise visits
lunch dates - even when I can't make them
sleep - going to sleep at 9:30 pm felt fantastic!!
fresh lime juice - just gotta keep squeezing, worth the hand ache
K's blog - keeps getting better and better and there's new text every day!
Mt. Everest Indian home delivery - never fails... their curry's a mean one!
chatting with fun people - inspiring interaction from the comfort of your sickbed ;)
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Did U Know?
On parenting:
Did u know that many African babies are not breastfed since they feed themselves while in constant skin-contact with their mothers?
On criminology:
Did you know that Thomas Hylland Eriksen, Norway's most famous anthropologist and one of the leading ethnicity researchers worldwide, is a key witness in the ongoing trial against Breivik?
On photography:
Did you know how much fun and how addictive editing photos can be? Two days ago I posted three samples of old, not ideally constructed, photos that I'd recently edited. Edited + addicted = edicted ;)
Did you know such a word exists? Edicted. Having googled it, turns out the urban dictionary defines it as being edicted to something electronic, usually the internet! Blogging too, perhaps!?
Over and out.
Did u know that many African babies are not breastfed since they feed themselves while in constant skin-contact with their mothers?
On criminology:
Did you know that Thomas Hylland Eriksen, Norway's most famous anthropologist and one of the leading ethnicity researchers worldwide, is a key witness in the ongoing trial against Breivik?
On photography:
Did you know how much fun and how addictive editing photos can be? Two days ago I posted three samples of old, not ideally constructed, photos that I'd recently edited. Edited + addicted = edicted ;)
Did you know such a word exists? Edicted. Having googled it, turns out the urban dictionary defines it as being edicted to something electronic, usually the internet! Blogging too, perhaps!?
Over and out.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Snails & Toads
Apologies to my readers, this blog is progressing at a snail's pace. With hubby away on travel, time for anything besides frequent diaper changing and vigilant supervision of two kids and dog is 'extra.' I wonder how many single parents blog...? And at what frequency? I for one lost a bit of blogging yesterday. Finally wrote something down, and then it was gone. After 5 days of single parenting, I again tip my hat to all you single troopers out there!!
So, what have we been up to these past days? Well, quite a bit actually though some days I feel it's the same ole same ole, just making sure we're onto some routine at least. Sometimes 'same ole' can be good, and with little kids it definitely is. It's interesting to note how quickly kids themselves establish routines. It took a single donut after church for Big Boy to suggest donuts after church were a routine ;) One new routine I'm more thankful about, though, is that both boys have fallen asleep at 6:30 pm for three nights in a row now! I guess the boredom of only having mom for company creates a dull enough mood for early sleeping. They are not, and I certainly am not, complaining even if their dad would be much more fun (of which I'm sure)!
In the past 2 weeks we've been a bit under the weather which is also not conducive to blogging. Same situation now.
Breastfeeding is also not conducive. Feeding and typing = one hand right typing. Doing just that right now...
But as for those toads I referred to up there, what is it with all these dead'n'dry toads showing up everyday now? Strange. Kinda gross. Our dog absolutely enjoys playing with them. Maybe they'd be good calcium?? Don't know but all I see is mummified toad and recollections of poisonous Amazonian reptiles. I'll keep to buying imported dog chews.
So, what have we been up to these past days? Well, quite a bit actually though some days I feel it's the same ole same ole, just making sure we're onto some routine at least. Sometimes 'same ole' can be good, and with little kids it definitely is. It's interesting to note how quickly kids themselves establish routines. It took a single donut after church for Big Boy to suggest donuts after church were a routine ;) One new routine I'm more thankful about, though, is that both boys have fallen asleep at 6:30 pm for three nights in a row now! I guess the boredom of only having mom for company creates a dull enough mood for early sleeping. They are not, and I certainly am not, complaining even if their dad would be much more fun (of which I'm sure)!
In the past 2 weeks we've been a bit under the weather which is also not conducive to blogging. Same situation now.
Breastfeeding is also not conducive. Feeding and typing = one hand right typing. Doing just that right now...
But as for those toads I referred to up there, what is it with all these dead'n'dry toads showing up everyday now? Strange. Kinda gross. Our dog absolutely enjoys playing with them. Maybe they'd be good calcium?? Don't know but all I see is mummified toad and recollections of poisonous Amazonian reptiles. I'll keep to buying imported dog chews.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Baby, No Logo
What is in a baby's name? Usually, a distinction between boy or girl. Names, however, are very culture specific, as we again realized two weeks ago at the doctor's office. First, the nurse kept calling our baby with his third name! I corrected her after the first slip but since she kept on using the 'O' name instead of the 'N' name I went along. Actually it was kind of fun since we did give N that extra O because we like that name as well. As my mom always says, I've been given three names and though the first is the first I could switch to one of the other two if I felt that was what I wanted to do. Well, I don't think names are quite as interchangeable, and I noted my lack of enthusiasm for doing so when an old friend announced she now goes by her full name instead of the accustomed nickname. To get back to the doctor's office, the actual doctor then proceeded to assume our N is a girl... When I corrected her on that (with no extra emphasis by now since names were going all over the place by then!), she answered that she'd made the wrong assumption since N was a girl's name. Ouch. Thankfully Baby Boy didn't flinch and I didn't punch... I wasn't offended to be honest, for one because my own name is so weird it raises eyebrows all the time. But later that day I was flipping through a local glossy magazine and POP! I noted another locally based N! And this N was about 50 years old and bearded and beer bellied (quite unlike our bald milk bellied 5 month old). Now I'm just saying but I doubt he'd be too keen to hear his name is a girl's name, as diagnosed by Madame Docteure... Some sensitivity is ingrained in good business sense. I'm just saying.
Frankly I'm not the best to comment on this baby-logo issue since our elder son's name originated from a commercial product!! I kid you not. It was just so cute! Thankfully it also works very well outside the commercialized cuteness box so hopefully he won't grow up to be too confused and bitter about our name choice. If he does he still has those two other safety name options...
Anyway, last fall I came across a child who honestly seemed to carry no logos. I'm not sure 'it' was a boy or a girl! This baby looked, well, very baby - the bald head, chubby cheeks, big diaper bum, the whole deal. It didn't look more girl than boy. It's clothes didn't help either, they were all in the shade of yesterday's Lipton, urban moss, or ghetto gray. And the name... definitely no gender logo there either. It was something seasonal, if I recall. Very nice, actually - for both girl and boy. Quite clever, in that sense.
So, gender sensitivity and gender neutral upbringing. Hmmmm. Not sure what I think about it. Not that it matters but I felt it would have been nice to befriend this baby 'really.' Now I felt I was seeing a veiled baby, a strange thought. I also don't know how gender neutrality works in practice. This baby's parents seemed to be going for neutrality themselves although no guessing needed to be done to figure out they were a same-sex pair.
Does any of this matter? Anyway, it's an interesting phenomenon and tomorrow I'll get back to you after I read a blog entry from one dad's point of view.
Frankly I'm not the best to comment on this baby-logo issue since our elder son's name originated from a commercial product!! I kid you not. It was just so cute! Thankfully it also works very well outside the commercialized cuteness box so hopefully he won't grow up to be too confused and bitter about our name choice. If he does he still has those two other safety name options...
Anyway, last fall I came across a child who honestly seemed to carry no logos. I'm not sure 'it' was a boy or a girl! This baby looked, well, very baby - the bald head, chubby cheeks, big diaper bum, the whole deal. It didn't look more girl than boy. It's clothes didn't help either, they were all in the shade of yesterday's Lipton, urban moss, or ghetto gray. And the name... definitely no gender logo there either. It was something seasonal, if I recall. Very nice, actually - for both girl and boy. Quite clever, in that sense.
So, gender sensitivity and gender neutral upbringing. Hmmmm. Not sure what I think about it. Not that it matters but I felt it would have been nice to befriend this baby 'really.' Now I felt I was seeing a veiled baby, a strange thought. I also don't know how gender neutrality works in practice. This baby's parents seemed to be going for neutrality themselves although no guessing needed to be done to figure out they were a same-sex pair.
Does any of this matter? Anyway, it's an interesting phenomenon and tomorrow I'll get back to you after I read a blog entry from one dad's point of view.
Monday, April 16, 2012
What is Wrong?
This weekend brought sad and worrying news from Finland, my country of origin. On Friday, yet another domestic killing spree took place. When the police came to inform a wife of her husband's death in a car crash they found the wife and two small children, already dead. This was the seventh case within a year of a parent, usually the father, killing the rest of the family and then most often himself. What is wrong in Finland?
A week or so before, there was yet another close-call at a Finnish school... a student entered carrying a gun, but this time no one was seriously injured (facts straight?).
Also this past weekend, 16 or so skinheads started a gun battle in an industrial part of town not far from my own Helsinki suburb.
Also in the news is that a certain Helena Eronen, the aid to one of Finland's most controversial members of parliament, may be fired from her job for suggesting all foreigners should wear an armband. "A crescent moon for Muslims," "a land mine for Cambodians"... (She actually mentions Cambodians - wonder how that came up!? Not many Khmer in Finland.) Whether she meant is as a joke or satire, or not, the debate that's ensued shows how current and sensitive interethnic issues are in the country today. I did go to her actual now-removed (from chat site) -and-replaced (to employer's site) blog entry and to be fair I have to point out that she does suggest arm bands for political party members too. Hence a touch of satire. But, all in all there's not much to laugh about, even the idea itself of armbands in the context of ethnicity and/or religion brings to mind the days leading to the Holocaust. Never again.
But what about the family killings. How can that be stopped? What should and could be done to prevent it from happening ever again? What could have been done better now? What is the first step? What can neighbors, family members, teachers, friends, the police, the social services, the government, do...?
It sickens me to read about these incidents, actually all of the ones I mentioned above but above all the killings by parent(s) of little children. Looking at my sleeping sons, I absolutely cannot imagine how bad things could have been for a parent to choose such evil.
And how much should one try to imagine/understand what happened?
I mentioned before that one of the very many things that interest me intellectually is criminal psychology. I haven't written a blog entry on that subject once. The reason is that it does intellectually interest me but emotionally I find it repulsive. I read that Geir Lippestad, the defense lawyer for Norway's Utøya killer, did not initially want to accept the job that offered to him. He talked it over with his wife who said if he won't do it someone else has to as this mass murderer has to be brought to trial. Now that the trial has started the lawyer said the preparations have been exhausting and that he feels 'as if (he'd) lost his soul.' That is the danger of looking into true evil. The road back requires a lot of healing. I wonder how criminal psychologists cope?
Relating to this, last week my husband and I watched an thought stirring movie, Sunset Limited, starring Samuel L. Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones, and written by Cormac McCarthy. If you've seen The Road, you may be properly braced for McCarthy's tone... In Sunset Limited, 'Black' attempts to talk 'White' out of jumping in front of a train, the Sunset Limited. It really is an excellent depiction of faith vs. desperation, good vs. evil, and second chances. The script is deeply loaded and the actors are absolutely fantastic. Without spoiling the ending, 'Black's' attempt to turn 'White' around touches on many of the issues I've raised here... What is wrong, how can it be stopped, what could be done?
Living in Cambodia as a mother of small children, there are a couple of days to each week that I don't want to read or hear about Cambodian news. What I read from the media reports is that this country is plagued by family turmoil of a different sort. Unfortunately domestic killings do happen here as well like they do in most societies, but 'the plague' seems to be child abuse. Every time I read the newspaper there are short, one paragraph long, reports of little, and I mean little (3-13 year olds), children being raped by neighbors or fellow village men. Absolutely awful. Thankfully there are many communities fighting this and doing their best to help those children.
But this weekend, for the first time while living in Cambodia, I felt that I'm glad I don't live in Finland right now. The news this weekend just brought about a sense of gloom, something similar to what I feel when reading these local news of rape. Here it's good to ask how much is the media to be 'blamed' for this, in other words does the media give too much attention to these incidents that, some may argue, may even exacerbate the problem ('suicide is infectious,' debate)... I'm not sure that blocking the reporting of horrendous 'small' news would be the answer but limiting the amount of media coverage may. Based on the three Finnish news sites I regularly follow, I would say there's already quite a bit 'on air' of what doesn't need to be said, not yet at least. What I refer to is: speculation. Rumors. Misleading headlines. In contrast, the discussion that's taking place on another site seems to me 'better.' For very obvious reasons I'll mention in a moment, this discussion is at the root of the issue: realizing the shock but walking with those now most affected. Why this site? The father of the murdered woman, grandfather of the two murdered girls (aged 3 and 1), is a blogger on that site and he, a priest himself, wrote about what had happened very soon after he'd found out (the police were still at his house)...
Goes to show that the internet and blogging specifically are true loci of human interaction - blogging in real time, with raw emotion, creating an avalanche of reactions, and most significantly, on this site, a cocoon of support, prayer, and caring.
How to transport that sense of community from the internet to the face-to-face Finland of today? Can the 'old' (mythological?) sense of community be revived? I find this such an emotionally and socially pressing as well as intellectually interesting question that I might have to move back to Finland for it. Like many doubters of development and missionary work ask, why go far when there's so much that needs to be done near? My usual answer is that those faraway are equally our sisters and brothers. But what my mom said some time ago comes to mind: the atmosphere in Finland has gotten colder and it's not just the physical temperature but the social one. Again, what is wrong? How do we stop this? What can I do?
A week or so before, there was yet another close-call at a Finnish school... a student entered carrying a gun, but this time no one was seriously injured (facts straight?).
Also this past weekend, 16 or so skinheads started a gun battle in an industrial part of town not far from my own Helsinki suburb.
Also in the news is that a certain Helena Eronen, the aid to one of Finland's most controversial members of parliament, may be fired from her job for suggesting all foreigners should wear an armband. "A crescent moon for Muslims," "a land mine for Cambodians"... (She actually mentions Cambodians - wonder how that came up!? Not many Khmer in Finland.) Whether she meant is as a joke or satire, or not, the debate that's ensued shows how current and sensitive interethnic issues are in the country today. I did go to her actual now-removed (from chat site) -and-replaced (to employer's site) blog entry and to be fair I have to point out that she does suggest arm bands for political party members too. Hence a touch of satire. But, all in all there's not much to laugh about, even the idea itself of armbands in the context of ethnicity and/or religion brings to mind the days leading to the Holocaust. Never again.
But what about the family killings. How can that be stopped? What should and could be done to prevent it from happening ever again? What could have been done better now? What is the first step? What can neighbors, family members, teachers, friends, the police, the social services, the government, do...?
It sickens me to read about these incidents, actually all of the ones I mentioned above but above all the killings by parent(s) of little children. Looking at my sleeping sons, I absolutely cannot imagine how bad things could have been for a parent to choose such evil.
And how much should one try to imagine/understand what happened?
I mentioned before that one of the very many things that interest me intellectually is criminal psychology. I haven't written a blog entry on that subject once. The reason is that it does intellectually interest me but emotionally I find it repulsive. I read that Geir Lippestad, the defense lawyer for Norway's Utøya killer, did not initially want to accept the job that offered to him. He talked it over with his wife who said if he won't do it someone else has to as this mass murderer has to be brought to trial. Now that the trial has started the lawyer said the preparations have been exhausting and that he feels 'as if (he'd) lost his soul.' That is the danger of looking into true evil. The road back requires a lot of healing. I wonder how criminal psychologists cope?
Relating to this, last week my husband and I watched an thought stirring movie, Sunset Limited, starring Samuel L. Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones, and written by Cormac McCarthy. If you've seen The Road, you may be properly braced for McCarthy's tone... In Sunset Limited, 'Black' attempts to talk 'White' out of jumping in front of a train, the Sunset Limited. It really is an excellent depiction of faith vs. desperation, good vs. evil, and second chances. The script is deeply loaded and the actors are absolutely fantastic. Without spoiling the ending, 'Black's' attempt to turn 'White' around touches on many of the issues I've raised here... What is wrong, how can it be stopped, what could be done?
Living in Cambodia as a mother of small children, there are a couple of days to each week that I don't want to read or hear about Cambodian news. What I read from the media reports is that this country is plagued by family turmoil of a different sort. Unfortunately domestic killings do happen here as well like they do in most societies, but 'the plague' seems to be child abuse. Every time I read the newspaper there are short, one paragraph long, reports of little, and I mean little (3-13 year olds), children being raped by neighbors or fellow village men. Absolutely awful. Thankfully there are many communities fighting this and doing their best to help those children.
But this weekend, for the first time while living in Cambodia, I felt that I'm glad I don't live in Finland right now. The news this weekend just brought about a sense of gloom, something similar to what I feel when reading these local news of rape. Here it's good to ask how much is the media to be 'blamed' for this, in other words does the media give too much attention to these incidents that, some may argue, may even exacerbate the problem ('suicide is infectious,' debate)... I'm not sure that blocking the reporting of horrendous 'small' news would be the answer but limiting the amount of media coverage may. Based on the three Finnish news sites I regularly follow, I would say there's already quite a bit 'on air' of what doesn't need to be said, not yet at least. What I refer to is: speculation. Rumors. Misleading headlines. In contrast, the discussion that's taking place on another site seems to me 'better.' For very obvious reasons I'll mention in a moment, this discussion is at the root of the issue: realizing the shock but walking with those now most affected. Why this site? The father of the murdered woman, grandfather of the two murdered girls (aged 3 and 1), is a blogger on that site and he, a priest himself, wrote about what had happened very soon after he'd found out (the police were still at his house)...
Goes to show that the internet and blogging specifically are true loci of human interaction - blogging in real time, with raw emotion, creating an avalanche of reactions, and most significantly, on this site, a cocoon of support, prayer, and caring.
How to transport that sense of community from the internet to the face-to-face Finland of today? Can the 'old' (mythological?) sense of community be revived? I find this such an emotionally and socially pressing as well as intellectually interesting question that I might have to move back to Finland for it. Like many doubters of development and missionary work ask, why go far when there's so much that needs to be done near? My usual answer is that those faraway are equally our sisters and brothers. But what my mom said some time ago comes to mind: the atmosphere in Finland has gotten colder and it's not just the physical temperature but the social one. Again, what is wrong? How do we stop this? What can I do?
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Blogger Beat
Realizing I just gave quite a negative review of the Scary Mommy book, I want to point out that I did only read the first chapter, the one that's supposed to raise enough emotion to want to keep on reading. My point there was that the chapter didn't make me want to do anything else except put the book away. ;) More seriously, I'm sure the rest of the book has a lot more to say, about the good stuff as well... And to prove my point I googled the book and came across a nice interview of the author. You can click that link and read it but just for fun here are my answers to the same (well put!) questions in the Blogger Beat style.
Five words to describe your kids:Lovable, smiley, sympathetic, creative, irreplaceable.
Five words to describe motherhood:
Beautiful, challenging, rewarding, all-changing, fun.
Number of kids you imagined yourself having before you had kids:
Two or three.
Other names you were considering for your kids:
L... Can't reveal the rest in case I can talk my husband into having a third!
Best thing about being a mom in Phnom Penh:
Being able to provide for my sons an international environment, show them a different and fascinating culture, enable for them to learn several languages at a young age, guarantee them playtime outside each and everyday since it's always nice and warm out there! The worst thing is the extra worry load you carry when living in a developing country with its share of issues: tropical diseases, risky traffic, etc.
Best and worst things about being a mom of two:
Worst: not being able to put them to bed without one or both of them getting tired of waiting for their turn to be put into bed. Unnecessary crankiness due to my limitations. Also, double the trouble, or at least trouble the worry!
Best: being in awe twice over! I cannot believe that such amazing beings have been given to me to nurture and raise. How interesting it is to watch them grow and develop! And to see that bond of brotherhood form...
Your thoughts on suburban living:
I loved living in the center of the city but I find this suburban community perfect for our current needs. I miss the buzz of the city, the fact we were more 'a part of things' there, the strolls about town, the services we had around us since here even the closest supermarket is a car-ride away. But, I wouldn't go back to that now that our front door opens straight onto fresh green grass and a quiet lane nicely packed with other families with kids. I don't have to walk my kids to a money-charging 'park' as they walk me to one of our communal playgrounds or swimming pools.
Most sanity-saving and sanity-stealing toys at your house:
Sanity-saving: any real tool since they play two roles - one, functioning as intended in the kitchen or car or wherever, two, functioning as our older son's most favored toy!
Sanity-stealing: cheap and noisy 'educational' toys of the style 'press this button and sing along'... groan!
Best kids-and-husband-pleasing meal:
Spaghetti bolognaise.
Where you go for a night off from kitchen duty:In Phnom Penh you never know since the restaurant scene is so lively and good! We try out new places and revisit the favorites.
What you’ll do when all your kids are in school:Work.
Favorite thing about the fall with kids:
Waiting for grandma to arrive as she'll stay for more than three months!
Best way to unwind at the end of the day:Blog, email, check out Facebook, watch a movie or new series on dvd, read, shower in peace.
Favorite parenting blogs besides your own:
New at this so will fill this in later. My favorite starts with a K but I'm not sure it's public yet.
Five words to describe your kids:Lovable, smiley, sympathetic, creative, irreplaceable.
Five words to describe motherhood:
Beautiful, challenging, rewarding, all-changing, fun.
Number of kids you imagined yourself having before you had kids:
Two or three.
Other names you were considering for your kids:
L... Can't reveal the rest in case I can talk my husband into having a third!
Best thing about being a mom in Phnom Penh:
Being able to provide for my sons an international environment, show them a different and fascinating culture, enable for them to learn several languages at a young age, guarantee them playtime outside each and everyday since it's always nice and warm out there! The worst thing is the extra worry load you carry when living in a developing country with its share of issues: tropical diseases, risky traffic, etc.
Best and worst things about being a mom of two:
Worst: not being able to put them to bed without one or both of them getting tired of waiting for their turn to be put into bed. Unnecessary crankiness due to my limitations. Also, double the trouble, or at least trouble the worry!
Best: being in awe twice over! I cannot believe that such amazing beings have been given to me to nurture and raise. How interesting it is to watch them grow and develop! And to see that bond of brotherhood form...
Your thoughts on suburban living:
I loved living in the center of the city but I find this suburban community perfect for our current needs. I miss the buzz of the city, the fact we were more 'a part of things' there, the strolls about town, the services we had around us since here even the closest supermarket is a car-ride away. But, I wouldn't go back to that now that our front door opens straight onto fresh green grass and a quiet lane nicely packed with other families with kids. I don't have to walk my kids to a money-charging 'park' as they walk me to one of our communal playgrounds or swimming pools.
Most sanity-saving and sanity-stealing toys at your house:
Sanity-saving: any real tool since they play two roles - one, functioning as intended in the kitchen or car or wherever, two, functioning as our older son's most favored toy!
Sanity-stealing: cheap and noisy 'educational' toys of the style 'press this button and sing along'... groan!
Best kids-and-husband-pleasing meal:
Spaghetti bolognaise.
Where you go for a night off from kitchen duty:In Phnom Penh you never know since the restaurant scene is so lively and good! We try out new places and revisit the favorites.
What you’ll do when all your kids are in school:Work.
Favorite thing about the fall with kids:
Waiting for grandma to arrive as she'll stay for more than three months!
Best way to unwind at the end of the day:Blog, email, check out Facebook, watch a movie or new series on dvd, read, shower in peace.
Favorite parenting blogs besides your own:
New at this so will fill this in later. My favorite starts with a K but I'm not sure it's public yet.
Today's Thoughts & Observations
I came across a new book and blog called (The Confessions of a) Scary Mommy. I loved Jill Smokler's so-called Manifesto but the rest of the free sample chapter wasn't my cup of tea. Yes, it's amusing and witty and spot-on in some regard but I personally didn't connect with it, nor do I want to connect to it. Ever. Sounds harsh and I am exaggerating my reaction here. My point is that despite the importance of admitting and discussing negative aspects of parenting, I would rather focus on the positive. Simple as that? No.
As much as I have my moments of tenseness, frustration, tough stares, and snappy words, I truly hope and pray to the depth of my being I'll never call, or even want to call, any child of mine an... a-hole!! That is as simple as it gets for me, that's where the line is drawn. Now to read someone else doing that... I honestly didn't find it funny. (I'm not sure it's meant to be funny which is even more worrying!) No mommy should ever be 'scary,' in any way. I think I do get what this Smokler's trying to say though: that taking on the role of Ideal Mom is the job of a lifetime and rarely do we achieve (m)any Oscars. Life is a messy business, though a memorable ride for sure. My counterpoint to Scary Mommy is that motherhood is fundamentally beautiful and even if those moments are sometimes few and far between the goodness cannot ever be emphasized enough. Yes, I do think there is something holy in that bond between parent and child. Wholly and holy.
In Reality Tired But Happy
I decided to borrow the entry title of one of the blogs I follow, 'In Reality Tired But Happy' (Oikeasti kuuluu väsynyttä mutta onnellista). Haven't yet read the entry itself but that title sum up my week pretty well too. Parenting is such a joy but (wo)man, it can be draining too! The past 7 days in a nutshell: my older son got a bloody scratch at Easter lunch with friends, younger got first runny nose and first chesty cough, older joined in the 'fun' with a chesty cough, yours truly's had a testy throat all week, younger son got his first tooth and accompanying frantic chewing/drooling of any and all things in sight, yours truly splashed a tupperware-full of boiling soup on myself resulting in a couple of now-healing blisters, hubby working all hours of day and night... Having two snotty and cranky kids to entertain 24/7 leads in a now admittedly tense mom and a short but interesting bedtime prayer: 'Thank GOD for auntie!' (i.e. our 40h/week domestic helper). Yes, the prayer of praise was said by my older son and yes-oh-yes did I join in! A lot to be thankful for, despite sleep deprivation.
Picture from: http://charlieallensblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/half-fast-halftones.html
http://blogs.babble.com/babys-first-year-blog/2011/10/04/sleep-its-finally-happening/
Note: One thing I learnt today... do not google 'sleeping mom.' Especially for an image.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Enough Milk?
Another question I hear a lot is the one my mother-in-law asks every time we skype: do I have enough milk? No, not the locally expensive, imported liquid squirted out of faraway cows, but the completely free, readily available mommy-milk. I tend to smile/cringe with that question each time since volume has never been an issue for me and my two babies. In fact there's often too much of it (and thus lots of laundry). I still find the question slightly surprising and the frequency of the question amusing but it's an important question since it is at this stage the lifeline for my son. He's growing so well and there's plenty of milk so thankfully this is a question that hardly ever crosses my mind on its own.
It's interesting how such a fundamental and natural, physical process causes so much debate. You know, all the 'feeding on demand / schedule,' 'feeding in privacy / public,' etc. talk. Two women I chatted to this week represented polar opposites as far as their experience of breastfeeding was concerned: one asked 'how I've managed to keep it up' only to add she'd had to stop at 3 months since she didn't have enough milk. The other said she'd talked her husband into having their nth child since she'd loved - and now terribly missed - breastfeeding! Obviously, milk matters.
More on this issue tomorrow.
It's interesting how such a fundamental and natural, physical process causes so much debate. You know, all the 'feeding on demand / schedule,' 'feeding in privacy / public,' etc. talk. Two women I chatted to this week represented polar opposites as far as their experience of breastfeeding was concerned: one asked 'how I've managed to keep it up' only to add she'd had to stop at 3 months since she didn't have enough milk. The other said she'd talked her husband into having their nth child since she'd loved - and now terribly missed - breastfeeding! Obviously, milk matters.
More on this issue tomorrow.
Which School Does Your Son Go To?
A question I hear repeated, nearly every time I exit my house, is... which school does your son go to? Do note, my older son is only 3. When they hear he doesn't go to school (yet) they switch their curious voice to a concerned voice and ask when he will start school. As if it was a ticking time bomb to not go to school by age 3. Honestly, I think this parenting peer pressure would get to me if it wasn't for Finland's esteemed and high-ranking school system and that fact that Finns start grade 1 at age 7! We are clearly not doing too bad academically despite the late start... dare I suggest we may be doing this well because of the late start!! My opinion.
The thing about these 'schools,' which are in reality school-like kindergartens, is that as much fun as they may be for our social kiddos they tend to have a serious undertone (even overtone), from what I hear. It's not all ball games and coloring books but math and reading for the early years. All that sounds fantastic, actually, and my son is not only very social but also genuinely interested in all of the above, including scribbling, picking out alphabet, and reading out numbers (in three languages!). What I find amusing and occasionally disturbing about this school-going is that these kids are, after all, only two or three years old. No, I don't find it at all disturbing that he's not in any school, kindergarten, or nursery. He doesn't even go to weekly clubs besides Sunday school. During the day he's often the only kid at the playground. He's fine with that, especially since he's got the dog, baby brother, nanny/helper, and mom to keep him company. He enjoys when the school buses return and all the kids from ages 3 months to 14 years play together outside. He interacts well with other kids, adults, and animals. So the socialization aspect is taken care of as is enough of the academic through his genuine interest to explore subjects, the latest of which has been astronomy.
Another side to this issue is that many of these parents who are startled by our decision not to institutionalize our son's learning yet also have a full-time mom at home. I'm not saying just because a parent is an an accompanying spouse, as many expats here are, that they should stay at home and keep their little kids home as well. I'm sure most have their hands full as it is, maybe with volunteering, church, coping with and adjusting to this new environment, networking, hobbies... Situations vary, obviously, so no need to go further into analyzing and scrutinizing other people's decisions. All I will say is that due to my own situation and my own cultural background the combination of being on maternity leave and having two kids that are both still small means that they are both at home, together, with me (and our nanny/helper). In fact, the general mood in Finland is that kids who have a stay-at-home parent should not be given a sought-after and government-subsidized place in kindergarten. Again I'd say situations differ and there are many reasons why doing so may be the best option for some families. But, in my case I simply enjoy being at home with both of the kids.
The thing about these 'schools,' which are in reality school-like kindergartens, is that as much fun as they may be for our social kiddos they tend to have a serious undertone (even overtone), from what I hear. It's not all ball games and coloring books but math and reading for the early years. All that sounds fantastic, actually, and my son is not only very social but also genuinely interested in all of the above, including scribbling, picking out alphabet, and reading out numbers (in three languages!). What I find amusing and occasionally disturbing about this school-going is that these kids are, after all, only two or three years old. No, I don't find it at all disturbing that he's not in any school, kindergarten, or nursery. He doesn't even go to weekly clubs besides Sunday school. During the day he's often the only kid at the playground. He's fine with that, especially since he's got the dog, baby brother, nanny/helper, and mom to keep him company. He enjoys when the school buses return and all the kids from ages 3 months to 14 years play together outside. He interacts well with other kids, adults, and animals. So the socialization aspect is taken care of as is enough of the academic through his genuine interest to explore subjects, the latest of which has been astronomy.
Another side to this issue is that many of these parents who are startled by our decision not to institutionalize our son's learning yet also have a full-time mom at home. I'm not saying just because a parent is an an accompanying spouse, as many expats here are, that they should stay at home and keep their little kids home as well. I'm sure most have their hands full as it is, maybe with volunteering, church, coping with and adjusting to this new environment, networking, hobbies... Situations vary, obviously, so no need to go further into analyzing and scrutinizing other people's decisions. All I will say is that due to my own situation and my own cultural background the combination of being on maternity leave and having two kids that are both still small means that they are both at home, together, with me (and our nanny/helper). In fact, the general mood in Finland is that kids who have a stay-at-home parent should not be given a sought-after and government-subsidized place in kindergarten. Again I'd say situations differ and there are many reasons why doing so may be the best option for some families. But, in my case I simply enjoy being at home with both of the kids.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Connecting
Tonight I had the rare opportunity to 'go out.' That is, meet old friends and lots of new people at a time of the day suitable and preferable for adults (after work). For logistical reasons, though, we had to take our kids with us and, well, that redefines to concept of going out quite a bit ;) So no free night out, taking the city by storm, or anything like that. Actually there was a torrential downpour and thunderstorm tonight but that's another story...
Despite our entourage of tiny tots, the fundaments of going out were there. It was evening. It was dark and late. We went to a restaurant. Other people were there. Some were old friends but the majority were new faces. We got to connect with those old faces and we had to mingle with the new ones.
So what happens when a family with small kids interacts with people hanging out? Frankly nothing that spectacular. I noted my keenness to chat with my friends but when it came to befriending new people I mainly noted my sleep deprivation, the fussy baby in my arms, and the momentarily unknown whereabouts of my toddler. Hence the former felt re-energizing but the latter a bit draining. This is not to say there wasn't potential, I mean these people seemed very interesting and nice as well. But at least tonight going out was pretty tame.
As far as connections go, I'd say there were two types of encounters. To greatly generalize, type one assumed us parents (there were four of us) had little in common with them, the professional, single wo/man-about-town. Type two didn't assume a lack of connection as they had no time to do so, they were so busy talking themselves... ;) On a more serious note, as my mom commented on my 'grandma' blog entry, true connections don't rely on a time or place. Despite who you are as far as your public roles go, connections can be found. It just takes a moment for people to notice each other and start listening. Going out - should do it more often, you never know who you'll befriend until you do.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Wanted: Caring Intellectuals, Playground Academics
Throughout the day I've been reading bits and bobs, going back to the articles and blog entries I've come across in the past few days. Frankly, nothing has popped up as something I desperately want to comment on today. But, maybe my lack of radiating enthusiasm has to do, in part, with the fact that quite a bit of what I've read has been rather pessimistic. I started the day with this article titled "Women who quit careers in science to be parents." I followed that up with checking up on one of my favorite blogs, the one maintained by my friend K. Both blogs highlight the challenges of being a working mom. In her article Gwen Dewar goes beyond common assumptions to investigate why women are underrepresented in fields involving "hard science." I would say her findings apply to "soft science" fields, such as my own (anthropology), as well. Although women are equally hired for tenure-track jobs in academia, combining a research career with motherhood tends to be extremely challenging, if not highly conflicting and outright incompatible. She quotes Williams and Ceci,
Her thought raising blog entry raised quite a bit of discussion and specifically those comments brought about that sniff of pessimism I mentioned earlier. Many women wrote back to share their stories of working hard for PhDs and achieving tenures but losing their academic positions once they had children. How frustrated I feel for them! Many even said they've led similar career paths with their husbands until parenthood left the husband's career intact, or even improved it!, but set back or demolished that of the wives... However, at the same time many of these women understood and to a degree accepted why this had happened since they knew very well what up-to-date scientific careers demanded and knew that they did not have the time or focus required.
That brings me to K's blog. She wrote about the BlackBerry availability syndrome: how being fully committed to a high-impact job these days meant being glued to ones electronic communication devices 24/7. If career-building requires making sure the Home doesn't impact the Work, how do you make sure that the Work doesn't intrude your Home (for everyone's sanity's sake)? But, if you dream of having a family do you have to downscale your path up? Maybe switch to "softer" sectors?
But what if you treasure your family and want to genuinely and passionately contribute to society? When you have the driving force to go as high as your interest and commitment will take you, who will not encourage you to switch and "soften" but will support you and tell you to keep going? I'm not talking of the Iron Lady (as the movie gave quite a cold impression of Maggie the Mother) but of many women out there who are truly loving and present mothers but also feel driven to make it to the top, as we say. Mothers who are politicians, economists, presidents (Tarja Halonen, for one!), violinists, slum project managers, surgeons... Women who want to make a difference and who have the ability to impact society. There are women out there who truly do manage to do both impressively well - working and mothering.
“Motherhood – and the policies that make it incompatible with a tenure-track research career – take a toll on women that is detrimental to their professional lives."They point out that women's underrepresentation in the science community is not a result of biased hiring but due to the heavy commitment expected of researchers and the outdated university policies that allow and maintain such pressure. Dewar asks whether contributions to science can only be made through the sacrifice of family life. The time, energy, and effort required for science leaves little to none for family and friends. In her words,
If the academic life resembles a highly-competitive monastery, it’s because human beings have structured it that way for social reasons.Finally she asks what it means for society that intellectuals with a desire for family life are weeded out of high science - could allowing intellectual diversity actually contribute to society?
Her thought raising blog entry raised quite a bit of discussion and specifically those comments brought about that sniff of pessimism I mentioned earlier. Many women wrote back to share their stories of working hard for PhDs and achieving tenures but losing their academic positions once they had children. How frustrated I feel for them! Many even said they've led similar career paths with their husbands until parenthood left the husband's career intact, or even improved it!, but set back or demolished that of the wives... However, at the same time many of these women understood and to a degree accepted why this had happened since they knew very well what up-to-date scientific careers demanded and knew that they did not have the time or focus required.
That brings me to K's blog. She wrote about the BlackBerry availability syndrome: how being fully committed to a high-impact job these days meant being glued to ones electronic communication devices 24/7. If career-building requires making sure the Home doesn't impact the Work, how do you make sure that the Work doesn't intrude your Home (for everyone's sanity's sake)? But, if you dream of having a family do you have to downscale your path up? Maybe switch to "softer" sectors?
But what if you treasure your family and want to genuinely and passionately contribute to society? When you have the driving force to go as high as your interest and commitment will take you, who will not encourage you to switch and "soften" but will support you and tell you to keep going? I'm not talking of the Iron Lady (as the movie gave quite a cold impression of Maggie the Mother) but of many women out there who are truly loving and present mothers but also feel driven to make it to the top, as we say. Mothers who are politicians, economists, presidents (Tarja Halonen, for one!), violinists, slum project managers, surgeons... Women who want to make a difference and who have the ability to impact society. There are women out there who truly do manage to do both impressively well - working and mothering.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
"Bringing Up Bebe"
A new lead to what is new in parenting today. And this tip comes from my mom! As do many of the other ideas stocked in my brain come to think of it... Anyway, there was an article (yesterday?) in Helsingin sanomat about Pamela Druckerman's new parenting books that have created quite a buzz. I haven't had a chance to look into them more closely but it seems she argues French kids are much more well-behaved and,basically, don't throw food. Also I found this funny youtube summary of what the fuss may be about... French Parenting 101. Enjoy!
Blogosphere
I don't know about you but as regularly as I use the internet (daily) there are times when it all seems, well, less interesting. At those times I log onto Facebook, check my mail, read the news from two different sites, and possibly check out a chilled out blog or two. Then, try as I might, I don't find it easy to find interesting new stuff interesting enough. However, there are more creative periods when the internet seems to be an endlessly fascinating universe that's waiting to be explored. Okay, maybe not quite that mesmerizing... Anyway, this week I've had one of those rather inspired internet weeks with many new interesting websites found to be followed or at least browsed. Here's one, Brain Pickings! Thanks for the tip, 'I.'
The Baby Room
This morning at church Baby was fussy enough for me to make a quick exit out of the service and into the adjacent 'Baby Room.' A couple of other women and a handful young kids were already there. One of the ladies started talking and it turned out she was there as a grandmother. Instead of the typical mom-to-mom diaper talk or expat-to-expat culture shock talk the two of us jumped into deep discussion in no time. After touching upon the above two topics extremely briefly, we started talking about Cambodia today. Namely the social issues that the nation struggles with the most. We talked about the destruction of families during the Khmer Rouge period, the difficulty of trusting ones neighbors after a genocide, about child abuse and sexual slavery. Then we talked about land rights, concessions and loss of ancestral land, the destruction of fragile ecosystems. And finally about socially conscious photography. All this in a matter of 30 minutes of casual interaction. I'm looking at Baby Room in a whole different light..!
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