... which I must get back to in a moment but first a few comments to get today's thoughts rolling!
Firstly, one aspect of the whole parenting debate that is easily overlooked is that the current general Western expectation of the mother to be the primary caregiver for young children not only challenges her career development but also provides some unique opportunities not easily bestowed on men. How easy, or moreover hard, is it for men to temporarily divert from their career to devote time to something different, namely their children? Out of all the parents I know only two men have stayed at home with their child/children for a year while the mother went back to work. My husband and I have talked about this topic quite a bit since he too would like to get a chance to simply be with his two sons. Not just whiz by on hectic working days and tightly scheduled and/or quickly passing weekends and holidays. But to actually devote his presence to the boys he's been given. I feel that as a mother and a wife I can't deny his right to full-time fatherhood as much as I value my own full-time motherhood. We think we've come up with a solution now, one that combines both of our parenting aspirations with a realistic setup and, most important, should work best from the boys' point of view.
Secondly, one thought that I find somewhat disconcerting is how parenting styles change over time. Parenting models certainly differ between cultures but within a single culture our habits are also in a constant state of flux, changing over time. I happened to read Eric 'Flying Scotsman' Liddell's biography the other day and it got me thinking how different parenting was back in the early 20th century. His Scottish missionary parents left him in London when he was only 5 years old... and only returned many years later. I find that shocking, especially since he and his brother were placed in boarding school and not with relatives. But, at the same time it has to be taken into consideration that this parenting 'solution' was fairly common at the time and definitely socially accepted since the boarding school was endorsed by their mission organization. And these parents need to be given some credit since it seems their kids turned out alright. Ultimately, though, this example of parenting trends leads me to wonder which we'll leave behind in the next 20 or 50 years. Will our kids as adults look back to their childhoods and wonder why their parents were silly enough to make the choices we are in the midst of making? Probably, to some extent. Especially living abroad with small kids I wonder if that - living on the other side of the world, away from their supposed roots - is something they'll be puzzled about later. Or maybe something else. Well, we try our best.
Thirdly, one parenting model that I see all around me here in Phnom Penh is 'nannyhood.' It is extremely common for especially middle to upper class families to employ at least one nanny, perhaps even two or three. Usually these girls who help out (and usually they are girls though older women do the job too) are from either poorer city-based families or from poor families out in the countryside. And as a general observation, since my 'bonny baby' is just awaking, the point of this job is to Fuss. They are the kids' shadow, feeding the kids at every step and making sure there's not a solitary moment of, well, solitude or boredom. Interesting....
Now to feed my small one!
Firstly, one aspect of the whole parenting debate that is easily overlooked is that the current general Western expectation of the mother to be the primary caregiver for young children not only challenges her career development but also provides some unique opportunities not easily bestowed on men. How easy, or moreover hard, is it for men to temporarily divert from their career to devote time to something different, namely their children? Out of all the parents I know only two men have stayed at home with their child/children for a year while the mother went back to work. My husband and I have talked about this topic quite a bit since he too would like to get a chance to simply be with his two sons. Not just whiz by on hectic working days and tightly scheduled and/or quickly passing weekends and holidays. But to actually devote his presence to the boys he's been given. I feel that as a mother and a wife I can't deny his right to full-time fatherhood as much as I value my own full-time motherhood. We think we've come up with a solution now, one that combines both of our parenting aspirations with a realistic setup and, most important, should work best from the boys' point of view.
Secondly, one thought that I find somewhat disconcerting is how parenting styles change over time. Parenting models certainly differ between cultures but within a single culture our habits are also in a constant state of flux, changing over time. I happened to read Eric 'Flying Scotsman' Liddell's biography the other day and it got me thinking how different parenting was back in the early 20th century. His Scottish missionary parents left him in London when he was only 5 years old... and only returned many years later. I find that shocking, especially since he and his brother were placed in boarding school and not with relatives. But, at the same time it has to be taken into consideration that this parenting 'solution' was fairly common at the time and definitely socially accepted since the boarding school was endorsed by their mission organization. And these parents need to be given some credit since it seems their kids turned out alright. Ultimately, though, this example of parenting trends leads me to wonder which we'll leave behind in the next 20 or 50 years. Will our kids as adults look back to their childhoods and wonder why their parents were silly enough to make the choices we are in the midst of making? Probably, to some extent. Especially living abroad with small kids I wonder if that - living on the other side of the world, away from their supposed roots - is something they'll be puzzled about later. Or maybe something else. Well, we try our best.
Thirdly, one parenting model that I see all around me here in Phnom Penh is 'nannyhood.' It is extremely common for especially middle to upper class families to employ at least one nanny, perhaps even two or three. Usually these girls who help out (and usually they are girls though older women do the job too) are from either poorer city-based families or from poor families out in the countryside. And as a general observation, since my 'bonny baby' is just awaking, the point of this job is to Fuss. They are the kids' shadow, feeding the kids at every step and making sure there's not a solitary moment of, well, solitude or boredom. Interesting....
Now to feed my small one!
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